MOBILE “BYAHE” THOUGHTS

*On MUSIC

PENAFRANCIA BUS LINE to NAGA (Jan2006) - Pinoys are really musically inclined. Last Monday at Café Brexton, while having coffee and dessert with JVP Batchmates Pat & TQ, I caught one waiter singing along a Piolo Pascual (I think) song… Just this PM (McDonald’s AliMall), intro/instrumental of a song started playing and suddenly, the guy at the next table broke into the song.. “My morning starts to shine…” And in the exact Kyla tune/version.It was funny.

ISABELA to CABANATUAN (Mar2006)– Our butts were just aching so hard- mine, Kuya Chito’s (our videographer) and Bugsy’s (production manager from Jescom). We came down from the rough road of Paracelis to Santiago Isabela. We searched for a furniture shop before heading to Chowking to grab some merienda (Halo-Halo) because estimated travel time to Cabanatuan is 4 hours. It meant, late dinner at 10pm. ..A bit bored from the site of Trucks on the road and vast rice fields, we decided to just sing random songs. We went from Lani Misalucha hits, to Ogie Alcasid songs, to Eraserheads classics. We widened our choices into thinking of songs Kuya Chito and I would sing in duet. Around an hour after, we can’t think of any more songs. So Kuya Chito grabbed his IPOD and we looked into more songs to sing. 4GB of MP3s, it was impossible not to find a song to sing to. Oh life would be so boring without music; travels wouldn’t be complete without community singing and trips would be less fun without one person in the van jokingly complaining about a travelmate singing out of tune.

*On PHOTOGRAPHY

MCDONALD’s NAGA (Jan2006) - My favorite subject has always been – People. Way back in high school, I used to have tons of pictures of my classmates. A lot of Bianca’s, one of my younger cousins – now 10 years old and recently cried over signs of getting her first monthly period, baby pictures were taken by me. Today I remembered an anecdote I once found in Lualhati Bautista’s Dekada `70 (I wrote in my college organizer) – “Sayang, di naka-capture ng potograpiya ang larawan ng mga isip at pakiramdam. Kung para man lang pagdating ng tao sa hukuman ng buhay ay may maipakita siyang ebidensiya ng kaligayahan niya o kawalan nito.” I think this is still very true. Kaya din siguro wala na ako masyadong ganang kumuha ng litrato ng mga tao. Because it feels as if I am robbing them of their stories, of the real stories behind their laughter/smile, or behind their tears. Ok lang if family or good friends, but of ordinary people on the street, ang hirap.

CATARMAN,SAMAR (Jan2006) – Even of places pala, di lang people. I wrote in my journal the first time I went to Catarman.. “Catarman is a wonderful place. I believe it is an epitome of how beautiful the Philippines is. Ang ganda-ganda niya! And I couldn’t even bring myself to take so much pictures of it because I feel and I think photographs won’t give Catarman justice.”

or are they (davao city)

On the other hand, why do I feel that I am not totally “ok.”


I’ve been thinking, is it because I’ve been too excited to go home that I have failed to really see and ponder on the many things that have been happening before me - that is happening to my country?


Inside a jeepney, on the way home, my mind wandered on the lightness that I was feeling being home. Away from the bustling and dirty streets of Metro Manila, my heart seems to be at rest. Aside from being in a bit of a panic for the focus group discussion next week, there is no other weight that I feel. Is it really because I’m home? I realized though that the lightness actually came way before I got home here in Davao. To link it with being at home doesn’t seem to be reason enough… I pause, as a bit of fear suddenly came into me. It cannot be right, it just couldn’t be.


Have I actually gone beyond cynical and finally fell in the trap of hopelessness, despair, and apathy - of simply not caring anymore?


With the declaration of the State of Emergency last Friday, I was first confused – in a way a little disappointed but there was no anger. There was no fuming desire to get an explanation right away. Yes, I was shocked with how the events were turning; I was appalled by the warrantless, and to me pointless, arrests. I had mixed emotions, but as I look back now it was so mixed that there wasn’t one prevailing emotion that I truly felt; I wasn’t chiefly worried - for the safety of the people and of the economic industry; I wasn’t mainly angry for what seemed like a baseless declaration of state of emergency; I didn’t feel like crying out of utmost frustration in the system of governance in our country. Yes, to a certain extent, I was devastated but apparently not enough to move me into doing a more concrete action out of what I was feeling. It didn’t move me into taking a stand.


Paksyet! (I remember Sheila Coronel’s article on Rage tuloy) – Have I actually lost the capacity for Nationalistic Rage? For a rage that demands action - - - that something has to be done? Where is that passion? Nasaan ang Libog?Ano na nga ba ang ginagawa ko at gagawin ko pa?


Haay…Mahaba-haba at komplikadong pagdarasal ito ngayong gabi. Di na ako aasang makakatulog ng maaga.

things are "ok"

While talking about graduation in our JVP area in Bindum, Bukidnon, PJ texted - "Random thought Ate Kang, I like your job. I like what you are doing now."

I wondered. And so I asked what made her think that way? You see, I never really had the chance to talk to PJ about my new work. She's busy with school and new work is keeping me away from most people - usually I'm just at the LST library or at the SLB office.

PJ said it's with how I sound in my emails to their batch egroups and in my texts. It's the tone of my short "kwentos" and my needs from them (like asking help for tune,etc.etc.). No direct explanation of what my new job is all about, what I'm really doing - what are its ups and downs, etc. etc.

I smiled, and texted back - "I actually am at peace with my new job. There are many things to be happy about my new work. I feel fulfilled, in a way."...It's not exactly what I planned after I left JVP and Philam, but it's a job that allows me to serve my country in the manner I know I am good at and can be better at.