or are they (davao city)
On the other hand, why do I feel that I am not totally “ok.”
I’ve been thinking, is it because I’ve been too excited to go home that I have failed to really see and ponder on the many things that have been happening before me - that is happening to my country?
Inside a jeepney, on the way home, my mind wandered on the lightness that I was feeling being home. Away from the bustling and dirty streets of Metro Manila, my heart seems to be at rest. Aside from being in a bit of a panic for the focus group discussion next week, there is no other weight that I feel. Is it really because I’m home? I realized though that the lightness actually came way before I got home here in Davao. To link it with being at home doesn’t seem to be reason enough… I pause, as a bit of fear suddenly came into me. It cannot be right, it just couldn’t be.
Have I actually gone beyond cynical and finally fell in the trap of hopelessness, despair, and apathy - of simply not caring anymore?
With the declaration of the State of Emergency last Friday, I was first confused – in a way a little disappointed but there was no anger. There was no fuming desire to get an explanation right away. Yes, I was shocked with how the events were turning; I was appalled by the warrantless, and to me pointless, arrests. I had mixed emotions, but as I look back now it was so mixed that there wasn’t one prevailing emotion that I truly felt; I wasn’t chiefly worried - for the safety of the people and of the economic industry; I wasn’t mainly angry for what seemed like a baseless declaration of state of emergency; I didn’t feel like crying out of utmost frustration in the system of governance in our country. Yes, to a certain extent, I was devastated but apparently not enough to move me into doing a more concrete action out of what I was feeling. It didn’t move me into taking a stand.
Paksyet! (I remember Sheila Coronel’s article on Rage tuloy) – Have I actually lost the capacity for Nationalistic Rage? For a rage that demands action - - - that something has to be done? Where is that passion? Nasaan ang Libog?Ano na nga ba ang ginagawa ko at gagawin ko pa?
Haay…Mahaba-haba at komplikadong pagdarasal ito ngayong gabi. Di na ako aasang makakatulog ng maaga.
I’ve been thinking, is it because I’ve been too excited to go home that I have failed to really see and ponder on the many things that have been happening before me - that is happening to my country?
Inside a jeepney, on the way home, my mind wandered on the lightness that I was feeling being home. Away from the bustling and dirty streets of Metro Manila, my heart seems to be at rest. Aside from being in a bit of a panic for the focus group discussion next week, there is no other weight that I feel. Is it really because I’m home? I realized though that the lightness actually came way before I got home here in Davao. To link it with being at home doesn’t seem to be reason enough… I pause, as a bit of fear suddenly came into me. It cannot be right, it just couldn’t be.
Have I actually gone beyond cynical and finally fell in the trap of hopelessness, despair, and apathy - of simply not caring anymore?
With the declaration of the State of Emergency last Friday, I was first confused – in a way a little disappointed but there was no anger. There was no fuming desire to get an explanation right away. Yes, I was shocked with how the events were turning; I was appalled by the warrantless, and to me pointless, arrests. I had mixed emotions, but as I look back now it was so mixed that there wasn’t one prevailing emotion that I truly felt; I wasn’t chiefly worried - for the safety of the people and of the economic industry; I wasn’t mainly angry for what seemed like a baseless declaration of state of emergency; I didn’t feel like crying out of utmost frustration in the system of governance in our country. Yes, to a certain extent, I was devastated but apparently not enough to move me into doing a more concrete action out of what I was feeling. It didn’t move me into taking a stand.
Paksyet! (I remember Sheila Coronel’s article on Rage tuloy) – Have I actually lost the capacity for Nationalistic Rage? For a rage that demands action - - - that something has to be done? Where is that passion? Nasaan ang Libog?Ano na nga ba ang ginagawa ko at gagawin ko pa?
Haay…Mahaba-haba at komplikadong pagdarasal ito ngayong gabi. Di na ako aasang makakatulog ng maaga.
posted by kangirl @ 9:47 PM
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