Enough Alone Time

Is it because I had so much company and out of town trips last Month that I feel so alone the past 2 weeks? Maybe. Because I just turned 24, I’d like to blame quarterlife crisis as well. Working for almost 6 years now, having 4 different jobs and living in 3 different places makes me think a lot about my life and the choices I have made and are making. And oh yes, my current job should take a lot of responsibility in why I’m feeling so alone. After all I do not exactly have an officemate and an actual office place. All I have is my computer and my cellular phone to aid me in my work.

The confusing part about trying to blame my work is I like my job, I really like it. The opportunity to work for my country by actively taking part in the combat against corruption has been one of my beautiful blessings. Even when I was still in college, I knew that I wanted my future job/s to be something that would help my country, whether directly or indirectly. My college friends tell me I’m nationalistic, and I am proud to be one. I love our country and I’d grab any chance to help in nation rebuilding.

But I guess every now and then, like these past few weeks, my being a people person gets back to me. I never saw myself being a researcher and spending most of my working hours inside a library – much more a Theology library! I love Theo and there are times when I see myself teaching Theo of Liberation on the side, but to consider a library of it as my workplace never really crossed my mind. I am a communication arts graduate afterall, I need all mediums available to send my views and messages across. You can’t exactly talk in a library – the silence can be deafening.

When I was still working for JVP Central Office, I used to take breather; all by myself walks every now and then. Formation and volunteer monitoring work can be toxic and walking around ADMU helped release some of the tensions at work. My walks took me to Gesu or to the caf, most of the time to the chapel to hear mass. I appreciated the alone time, the alone walks. I remember excusing myself from work to walk around because I needed it, I needed alone time so badly.

The past days though, I’ve been missing having officemates. I miss having someone to talk to about the TV show I was watching last night. I miss having someone to complain about work with. Boy do I miss the community singing with Ate Trina and Ate Crissy! I miss bringing food for workmates and having automatic lunchmates. I miss planning Friday or Saturday gimmicks with officemates. (Wait, I don’t think I really go out anymore. This new job just made social life doubly difficult. haha!) It’s no longer fun not having a workplace to go to from Mondays-Fridays. I do appreciate the no strict time in and time out, but I’d wake up early for a sure place to work in. I miss having a fax machine 4 steps away from my worktable and having unlimited internet access on the computer I’m using for work. For the most part, I think I just miss talking (hehehe). The past 6 months have been torture for a talkative person like me.

I just think I have had enough alone time, enough alone walks and trips to last me a lifetime. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, perhaps enough to last me a year or two.