Need to Rant

I’m no longer even supposed to be here working my ass off. I’m doing it because I don’t like things unfinished. I’m supposed to be resting, reflecting on how I want to live my life in the future. Fine, I have no right to complain about staying because you actually gave me a choice and it was my own choice to stay/extend. So I’ll just blame my Jesuit education for instilling in me the values of finishing tasks, of “magis” and of being socially-oriented – of actually caring about my country and all those who live in it.

When you, without any feelings, asked me to back off the project which I was so attached to so I can focus on this project that only the two of us are working on, I did so without any questions. Although I had a feeling that my honesty in the group and my eagerness to get things done was what caused me my job there. I didn’t even say anything, or showed feelings of being hurt. I was more knowledgeable about that project even if I wasn’t the top person, but so what – I was already pissed at how things were going and admittedly I no longer wanted to work with those people. I was no longer part of the meetings on how to finish that project, I received no emails or instructions regarding it – I was literally cut off telling me my job for that project was done, it was all up to the post production people.

So when the project still didn’t flourish and that top person seemed to have messed up it even more, you heard nothing from me. Simply because I remember being told to let go and not to meddle anymore. Besides it’s been months that I’ve been out of the loop, I barely know anything anymore. You shared your disappointments, and I simply listened. I didn’t give a whole speech of “I told you so! And you pulled me out, now look what your trusted person did.” I knew you were already sad and I didn’t want to rub it in. I did tell you a piece of my mind but never blaming you and I didn’t even directly blame the person in charge.

Now, it’s still not done and so far the product sucks! (atleast in my opinion and the opinion of a few others who have seen it). Now, you tell me I should have shared this material we have in our project, that it should have been an aid to them. You said you instructed me, along with the other materials you had them research as additional materials for that darn project.

Ugh! No, I didn’t receive any emails, any instructions! I don’t even have any idea on what the other materials were because you pulled me out! You decided I was no longer needed in that team! I never received any instructions, if I did, I would have done it. Unlike some other people, I don’t have a record for not accomplishing tasks! And now you tell me that even if I didn’t receive any message, I should have known it was needed because I was once part of that other team. Excuse me! That doesn’t follow! How am I supposed to know the new instructions if I was asked not to join any of the meetings and if I didn’t receive any more emails?!

No, we can’t read your mind. Most of the time we, I, don’t know what’s going on in your head. Not even when you give me directions. Notice how I always paraphrase your instructions just to make sure I got it right? A million times I wish I can get inside your brain and organize your thoughts for you. I wish you can learn to focus and channel your creative energies more productively.

Don’t go blaming me now for the mistakes of the team you trusted to deliver! Besides, what they have created so far is so not good, that the material which I was “supposed” to share with them will not have a huge impact. It’ll not change the script or the story line back to the original one we brainstormed on. It will not make it shorter and more interesting. So far their product is horrible! That’s the reality! It doesn’t suit our target market, which is my age – my generation! Because the team that was left to finish it is so not my age, so not my generation! I repeat – I, being held responsible for a lacking material will not change that fact.